Story time.

“Can I ask you a question?” I said to my husband, in our brightly lit ensuite bathroom.

“Of course,” he replied. 

“I’m having a couple of weird body days. Is my body shape changing?” I pondered, as I moved my hands across my lower belly. 

“Yes. Your body is always changing,” he said.  

“But, do you think I’m putting on my winter weight?” I asked.  

“Yes,” he said, directly, but softly.

“Thank you,” I replied straight back.

It’s not uncommon for me to have moments where I question my body shape, but I have gained the ability to quickly talk myself out of any potential spiralling.

It comes with almost a decade of practice

But, these few days, this past week…they were different. 

I felt fat phobic thoughts fill the space.

I looked at my body in the mirror and took a pause.

“Yeah, I think I’ve gained fat too,” I said calmly.

Here’s what happens next: nothing new.

No diets. No calorie restrictions. No macros counting.

No increased exercise. No January workout challenges.

Nothing new.

What remains is the continued journey of questioning my beliefs around bodies, body fat, what my body’s worth lies in, how long postpartum I am and if my body shape should be different by now, etc.

And, perhaps most importantly, questioning my belief about ‘winter weight’.

While it is incredibly common for people to gain fat on their bodies throughout colder months, I want to not only be at peace with that, but also the potentiality of the weight staying around in the spring, the summer.

Forever and always.

Thankful to continue questioning with you in 2020.

Jess