Coming Back Home

A couple days ago I was out by myself running some errands. I had finished up at the last store, got in my car and texted my husband to tell him I was on my way home.

Something about that felt right in a lot of different ways. The ‘coming back home’ bit.

2016 was a LOT of things for a lot of people.

For me, it was a huge year of shifting, learning, changing, growing. I feel like I’m coming to the other side of many of those things and entering a new phase of more shifting, learning, changing, growing. That shit never stops 😉

I feel like the following year will be about coming back to myself, my home, in many areas. Really, just operating from a different perspective. That I’m choosing.

At the start of 2016 I had a 5-month old baby. Life was starting to feel more settled all the time, and yet not at all because #babies.

Doing day-to-day things was getting easier, although still a tricky dance. Our baby had still never taken a bottle, so I was super limited in when I could do anything, or for how long.

My body was feeling really good from a postpartum recovery standpoint. I was well into my postpartum strength training programming (from the To Pregnancy & Beyond program) and felt really comfy in my body.

I built and launched the Core + Floor Restore for C-Section program, as from my own C-section recovery experience.

Plus, the first class of fitness trainers went through the Postnatal Fitness Specialist Academy, which was my other baby of 2016.

In a huge way, my 2016 focus felt consumed by having a newborn, recovering from having a baby, nap schedules, living a new life with a baby, marriage-ing with a baby, and where I fit as a person and an entrepreneur.

Having a young baby is hard. It’s really beautiful, incredible and all the other good sounding adjectives, too. But, also hard AF at times.

It rocks your world in every imaginable way. Sometimes I hear pregnant mamas talk about how they are not going to let a baby change their life too much.

…It will.

Especially if you like to do things like leave your house and eat meals, LOL. It will crack you open, build you back up, and you’ll wonder how you ever lived without loving that little chunk.

There are so many breakdown to breakthrough moments.

So many. Constant change. In that first year every week/month is completely different.

You’ve figured one thing out and then you’re immediately onto figuring the next thing out. Or, more often than not, you’re NOT figuring it out, which is completely normal, too.

In 2016 I felt a lot of moments of, “I totally have my shit together!” and “I’m a total mess”. Lots of oscillating between the two.

If I’m being totally honest, 2016 wasn’t a ton of FUN, in the traditional sense of the word. I was tired a lot. I often felt overwhelmed by running by business, caring for a baby, trying to be a person, and maintaining a connection in my marriage.

I’ve been telling people that my intentions for 2017 include MORE babysitters, MORE wine, and MORE fun 😉

Where I’m going in 2017.

I feel a shift happening in my energy now that’s different than what I’ve felt for the last few years. Actually, I feel this shift happening with a lot of women in my life and I couldn’t love it more.

There’s an intensity about it. And, a softening about it. Both are feeling right to me. For me.

2017 feels like a coming back home in my body and my life.

For example, at the end of 2016 I started back to adult gymnastics. Gymnastics is something I’ve done for a huge portion of my life and moved away from it the last 5 years. Going back, once a week for one hour, feels so right.

Recently, I decided to hired another coach. As a coach myself, I know that it’s integral to my personal development to work with coaches.

I signed on for 5 months of private coaching with THE Susana Frioni. Not knowing what to expect, but trusting that it felt right. And, that I felt some resistance to it, which makes me believe it’s what I need.

If you’re not following Susana or listening to her Love Sex Desire podcast, I highly recommend.

The work with Susana is all about getting more honest, having courageous conversations, connecting back into the body, sensuality, sexuality, opening, softening, surrounding. All the good stuff.

This is where I see my conversations taking me more in 2017, btw.

Leading me in 2017. 

1). Depth, not width.

Really narrowing in with my focus personally and professionally.

My main focus of 2017 is going to be on supporting my To Pregnancy & Beyond mamas. It’s such a huge joy-giver for me. Strengthening the program to do whatever I can to support them best.

TP&B is likely the only way I’ll be coaching clients in 2017, except for the handful of private clients I work with.

I recently had to make a super challenging business decision that left a lot of money on the table, but it simply didn’t fit with my ‘depth not width’ mantra.

Hard. And, better off for it.

2). Curiosity. 

This is my ‘anchor word’ for 2017.

My other coach, Jill Coleman, has encouraged me to do this for the last couple of years and I love it. I don’t set resolutions, but rather keep a singular word with me as a guide.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve seen this word come up in my life the last couple weeks since I’ve chosen it. Three different people have called my toddler “curious”, and they’re right. She is. Time to follow her lead.

3). Honest, direct conversation. 

As I said, Susana has been encouraging me to have courageous conversations with myself, my husband, clients – anyone and everyone.

It feels good, scary, and challenging. I can really retreat into my own thoughts and head. Try to figure everything out myself before I talk through it with anyone else, which is completely fine if you’re there.

But, I’m going to trust that whomever I’m having hard conversations with can hold the space for me to have them and not necessarily solve them.

If you’re on my private email list, these themes are going to be coming at you far more in 2017. There are likely going to be a ton of unsubscribes and, in a strange sense, I’m looking forward to that because ‘depth not width’.

More REAL life. More relationships, more mindset. More feminism. More sexual health. More sisterhood.

And, as always, the focus on prenatal and postnatal support. That is my true love, as you know. All these topics above fit into it and I feel like we need to go there if we’re going to talk #momlife.

Jess

Ps. To get my weekly emails in 2017, you can join on here.